Ol' Saint Nick's got burban breath
It's so cold you could catch your death
A cop sold me some crystal meth
It's a Merry Fucking Christmas

Everything's so Chritmassy
The streets are twinkling with frozen pee
My priest just sat on santa's knee
It's a Merry Fucking Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night to dream what santa brings 'em (brings 'em)
Unless they're jewish or muslim or some other gyp religion
Crappy toys flying off the shelves
Midgets dressed up to look like elves
Spread good cheer or burn in hell
It's a Merry Fucking Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night to dream what santa brings 'em
Unless they're jewish or muslim or some other gyp religion
Cracklin' fires to keep me warm
And my collection of asian porn
Cradle my bells and work my horn
It's a keep on truckin', last year suckin', midget chuckin', slap the puckin', how much wood could a wood chuck chuckin', Merry Fucking Christmas

HO HO HO!
Shut up! *slap noise*